But
the performance isn’t what’s on this gal’s creative membrane. Have you ever
taken a micro step backwards, perked up your ears, wiped your eyes and sat your
ass at the front of the house only to notice what goes on in the audience
before the show, before all the artsy razzmatazz takes place? If you were
observant, you’d use all five senses and take note of all pre-show shenanigans.
Here’s the top five
moments from this weekend’s Fiddler
1. Musician fumbles with acoustic guitar, drops
it, flails arms, mutters a quick profanity and then stops breathing for a millisecond. (House patrons stop breathing too. The guitar is saved.)
2. Lady in second row chows
down on some cherry, gooey sugar shit she must’ve shoved in her purse
beforehand then slips and falls back into her seat trying to stand up and make
room for new patrons. (Must’ve gotten some ‘o that sugar shit on her hands.
Looked delectable though, that sugar shit.)
3. Random conversation
with gal pal about college roommate who used to run and rerun her copy of Fiddler on the Roof every single day. Every day. Every single,
‘fing day. (Why? Who the hell knows?)
4. Sudden realization
of how inappropriately close you are to other people and how incredibly
uncomfortable seats are in a theater. Man steps on your toes passing by. Said
man doesn’t say sorry. Your ass starts to hurt from sitting. (Said ass hurts
all the way through the show too.)
5. Neighbor seated next
to you finds jet-black ink messages written by previous theatregoers in paper program. Message reads, “Who
is that behind us?” (Neighbor wonders if she’s “cray cray.”)
Forget the production. If you were observant, your hurrays and hurrahs would be for the audience pre-show.
